Monday, May 11, 2009

Confessions: I missed it


Somewhere along the line I missed it! I am talking about how intimate sex is and is supposed to be. I don't know if I missed it because I grew up in a single parent home, where, still sex is not a subect that we talk about, or because I never had a father tell me the ins and outs about it. I don't know how but I effin missed the bus on this one.

I say this with the thoughts of my past. The mistakes I often made. The decision that changed my life. Now, I want this love feeling and the physical is in limbo. Like I don't mind it. Don't have to have it. Well, that's a lie i want to have the physical as well. I was trying to be deep for a moment, but let me be real about it. I want it in a loving, like in love kinda feel. Not a in love for the moments it is happening kinda of feel but even when we not physically I can make love to this person in my mind when i smile or when I see them with our eyes!

The old saying goes "If I woulda known then what I know now..." I woulda , shoulda coulda, but now here I am. I am asking now am I worth of love from anyone? I doubt myself and the ability to be a good lover because the lack of love in an intimate way. I think I can, I hope I can, I am really about to try!

8 comments:

TRAV said...

Of course you're ready...you're definately teachable & seem to open to the challenge. I'm sure that there are SEVERAL out there who'll be willing to 'teach' (lol).

But, thanks for being so transparent. You're gonna be just fine...intimacy (the intermingling of the LOVE & PHYSICAL facets of a relationship in my opinion) is sometimes very intimidating, especially if you 'MISSED THE MEMO'...but it's a definate PLUS to have admitted it...now get to it!

TRAV

Jayson said...

Everyone is entitled to love. Its not just for the rich or the beautiful, The famous or the hob-knobbers. But its for everyone. SO dont uninclude yourself because you feel as though you dont deserve it. What would make you a non-candidate? Because of things in your past? Because of who you are as a person? NO! I put it this way... if even the Hitler's Hussein's and Osama's of the world can find it why the fuck couldnt a great guy like you?

Jake Jacobs VI said...

I think that everyone is worthy of love. Some think they find it in others rather quick some not so quick. Hold on to what you know to be true and you shall receive it. But first and foremost one must really and truly love thy self for no one else will if you don't. As for the making love part and really feeling it in a special way, that all takes time with an emotional and mental connection. Letting the absence of your father dictate whether or not you know enough about making love should not be the factor for he will not be the one you are intimate with. Getting to know the person you are involved with will be the only way one could know how to make love to them. Ask them what it is they like and etc. Communication is key and letting your guard down with your words and less with your body.

Rico said...

everyone including and especially you is deserving, its just about taking that chance...some can take the "process" and some JUST CANT. Its up to each individual for the most art though

GV said...

Your very much worth it, and it's not a question of who's willing to teach you, but rather when you'll be ready to learn it.

Love just happens, so stop looking for it. And truth it, if you're like me it happens very seldomly. In the meantime be you, enjoy your friendships and don't settle for anything less you think you deserve.

Anonymous said...

honestly.....I've always known that intimacy makes a relationship flourish and grow.

glad you know it now.

Andresflava said...

Yes indeed i love the physical love as well as that love that just 2 lovers have. He walks into the room and u get all giddy or when u hear his voice it makes u melt. Thats a LOVE NVNCYBLE U WILL HAVE!

DRAMA DUPREE said...

HHMM, I think that love is for everyone, but I just never bought into that whole, love me love you thing. and besides, i had horrible role models, straight and gay growing up when it comes to love and sex and relationships and friendships... im still learning...