Monday, May 11, 2009
Confessions: I missed it
Somewhere along the line I missed it! I am talking about how intimate sex is and is supposed to be. I don't know if I missed it because I grew up in a single parent home, where, still sex is not a subect that we talk about, or because I never had a father tell me the ins and outs about it. I don't know how but I effin missed the bus on this one.
I say this with the thoughts of my past. The mistakes I often made. The decision that changed my life. Now, I want this love feeling and the physical is in limbo. Like I don't mind it. Don't have to have it. Well, that's a lie i want to have the physical as well. I was trying to be deep for a moment, but let me be real about it. I want it in a loving, like in love kinda feel. Not a in love for the moments it is happening kinda of feel but even when we not physically I can make love to this person in my mind when i smile or when I see them with our eyes!
The old saying goes "If I woulda known then what I know now..." I woulda , shoulda coulda, but now here I am. I am asking now am I worth of love from anyone? I doubt myself and the ability to be a good lover because the lack of love in an intimate way. I think I can, I hope I can, I am really about to try!